


pretty little baby, pretty little monster (went to the good school, left w honors)

by fowlbyname45



Series: Artemis Fowl requests from Tumblr [3]
Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Conspiracy, Gen, Professor Artemis Fowl, Teacher-Student Relationship, Two Shot, University, is Artemis a cryptid? the world may never know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28442742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fowlbyname45/pseuds/fowlbyname45
Summary: Artemis Fowl is working as a physics professor & consultant for the LEP. Here are some stories are from his time in this position.(Requests from pokegeek151 & anon on Tumblr!)
Series: Artemis Fowl requests from Tumblr [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075481
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoy this fic! my ask box on tumblr (sophieisdone45) is always open for requests or just to talk if you wanna drop by! :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh Byrne & his best friend Oscar Walsh are getting suspicious of their professor's cryptid-like behavior.

“Okay, class. Don’t forget the homework is due Thursday, and tomorrow we have our optics lecture,” Artemis told the students as they filed out of the hall. He was currently working as a physics professor at Dublin University while also doing consultant work for the LEP. Speaking of the fairy police force, Holly was calling him now. Scanning the room to make sure all the students were leaving or already left, he answered her call.

“Yes?”

“Hey Artemis. I need some advice about something, do you have a minute?”

Artemis smiled on the other end of the line. “I think so. What is it this time, Holly?”

“Well, the demons are _still_ having trouble adjusting to Haven…”

The two began bouncing ideas off of each other on how to fix that particular problem when a student walked into the lecture hall, looking a little apprehensive. Artemis recognized him as Josh Byrne, who was a computer science major. 

“Hello? Doctor Fowl? Um, I had a question,” the student said.

Artemis made a “just a second” motion to him before saying a quick goodbye and hanging up his call with Holly. Once that was done, he looked up to give Josh his attention. “Yes Mr Byrne?”

The burnette boy shuffled his feet a bit. “Um, are there any extra credit opportunities this semester?”

The professor began answering the boy, but internally raised an eyebrow at the mundane question which could have easily been answered in class instead. Could the student be up to something? No, that was probably just his paranoia talking. Gods, maybe he was receding into his Atlantis Complex again...he’d have to talk to Holly about that sometime soon.

*****

As it turns out, Josh Byrne _was_ up to something. He was on a _mission_ , as a matter of fact. He, as well as his best friend Oscar Walsh, were convinced that their physics professor was some sort of cryptid. He could rarely be found anywhere on campus other than his actual classroom, seemed to disappear at the randomest of times, and always gave extremely vague answers when asked about anything in his own personal life.

This had caused many theories to circulate around the school concerning “what his deal was” (as Oscar put it), the most common of which were as follows: vampire, addict, and time traveler. After some persuading from his best friend, Josh had caved into his idea of “gathering information” from Artemis by asking him some random questions after class in order to see what he was doing while they weren’t there. Most professors just graded papers or whatever, but who knew what this one could be doing? Sucking the blood of innocent victims, drinking booze, revealing his time machine and taking a hop to the future...the possibilities were endless.

Anyway, Josh was just as curious as his friend but didn’t know why _he_ had to be the one to confront the elusive professor. When asked this question, Oscar had replied “because no one would suspect you!”

That was true. Josh was a reasonably good student, and smart too. He was known for being a sort of “good boy” among his classmates, which meant most professors adored him. Oscar on the other hand? Well, he was a little different. He was bright, sure, but would rather spend his time partying it up than working too hard on his classes, which meant he didn’t have nearly the positive reputation among the staff as Josh did. They would just become suspicious if he were to ask random questions for no obvious reason. So, he gave the task to his best friend. And now, he was hopefully going to be getting some real answers about this Doctor Fowl.

*****

“I’m back!” Josh called as he entered the dorm room he shared with Oscar, who was watching TV on the couch. 

“Finally!” the blonde said, immediately sitting up with excitement in his eyes. “Did you find out anything?”

Josh sighed, running a hand through his curls. “Well, sort of…”

“What is it?” Oscar asked eagerly.

“He was talking on the phone with someone, a friend maybe, and I overheard him say something about ‘Haven’ and ‘demons.’ Like helping them or something?”

Oscar’s eyes widened. “Helping demons? What the fuck does that mean?”

Josh shrugged in response. “I don’t know, man. It seems weird though.”

“You could say that again. If he’s helping them then surely that must mean he’s in league with them, right? Oh, wait til the student body gets a load of this.”

“No, you can’t tell anyone! He’d know it was me that spread the rumor since I was the only one that could’ve heard him,” Josh said hurriedly. 

Oscar groaned a little. “I guess you’re right. Demons though...that’s creepy. I didn’t even go to a Catholic school and I know _that_ much.”

“Yeah....maybe he’s just pretending to be in league with them so he can stab them in the back?”

“Maybe. Or maybe he really is all buddy-buddy with them and is helping them out.”

“Are we really having a conversation hinging on the fact that our professor has met demons? And that they’re real in the first place?”

“Well, why else would he be talking about them?”

Josh shrugged. “I dunno. People are weird, you know?”

“I guess. This seems super weird though, like not normal eccentric weird. Did you hear anything else?”

“Nah, not really. For the most part he just acted like he normally does.”

“And by that you mean strangely distant with a chance of phone conversations about demons?”

Josh laughed. “I guess so.”

Oscar shrugged and went back to watching TV. “Seems strange to me. I still think he’s a time traveler or some shit.”

“Maybe,” Josh replied, sitting down next to his friend. “I guess we’ll never know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Artemis plays trivia with his students. That's it.

“I know you all have been working really hard lately, but it’s not break yet,” Artemis said to his students, rubbing his brow tiredly. “We still have work to do.”

“C’mon, let us have some fun for a change,” Oscar Walsh said, grinning hopefully. 

“Yeah, break starts tomorrow. What could we even get done before then?” Oscar’s friend Violet Boran chimed in, pushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear.

“I’m sure we could find  _ some _ thing to do,” Artemis protested, looking frantically through his lesson plans for anything they still hadn’t covered that seemed promising. 

“Can’t we just relax for once?” Oscar pleaded, desperately hoping he wouldn’t have to do more work.

Artemis resisted the urge to roll his eyes.  _ Relaxing _ was not something he did well. But all of his students looked so optimistic and energetic that he figured they wouldn’t be able to focus very well anyway. Maybe they did deserve a bit of a break before the holidays. “Fine,” he said, a touch exasperatedly. “You can ‘relax.’” 

A small cheer arose from the seats in the lecture hall. “Nice!” Oscar said as Violet and Josh Byrne high-fived him. 

Some of the students began digging snacks out of their backpacks while others took out earbuds or cell phones. They started talking amongst themselves, chatting happily. After a few minutes, a bold young man by the name of Conan Delee asked “So, Doctor, what do you even do while you’re not teaching us? Got a hobby?”

“Yeah! People get super suspicious of you, you know. They say you must be some kind of cryptid,” Violet chimed in.

Artemis shrugged. “Of course I have a hobby; I often compose music as an escape. And as for the ‘cryptid’ accusations, rest assured that I am just as human as the rest of you are.”  _ Or close enough to it _ , he thought to himself wryly. 

There were a few murmurs among the class at this. Composing was a relatively innocent, if not somewhat pretentious, hobby as far as it went, but who knew whether or not he was telling the truth?

“So who are you, I don’t know, friends with? Do you know any of the other professors here?” Oscar asked. He was hoping he could get some closure on who Artemis could have been talking to the day Josh eavesdropped on him.

“Oh, I’m afraid you wouldn’t know most of my contacts. They’re rather underground,” Artemis said, holding back a smirk at his own joke.

Oscar glanced at Josh and thought sarcastically,  _ Well, that was helpful. _

After the class decided that they weren’t going to get much more out of their teacher, they went back to their snacks and cell phones. A few moments later, however, Artemis had an idea.

“Okay, class. Let’s play some trivia,” he said brightly, deciding to engage them in an activity that was at least somewhat educational. Everyone groaned. 

“Come on!” Conan complained. “That’s no fun.” There were mutters of approval.

Artemis raised an eyebrow. “Would you rather me assign you more work?” At that, even though there was a little bit of grumbling among the students, they decided to just go along with it.

“Let’s divide into teams - boys versus girls,” Josh suggested. 

Their professor nodded. “Alright, that’s fine. Are we ready to start?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna totally  _ crush _ you guys,” Violet said, poking a finger at Oscar.

Artemis thought for a moment, coming up with a question. “Okay, question number one. Which of Shakespeare’s plays is the longest?”

Josh tapped his pencil in front of him, thinking hard. “Um, it’s King Lear isn’t it?”

An intelligent girl by the name of Grace Kyne spoke up. “No, it’s Hamlet right?”

Artemis grinned. “That’s right! Hamlet is correct. One point for the girls.” A couple of people on the girls team high-fived.

“Question number two: how many hearts does a squid have?”

“Three!” Conan said excitedly. “I know that one.”

“Correct. One point for the boys,” Artemis said, trying not to think about his own run-in with a squid in his youth. 

“Question number three: who was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize in 1903?”

“Oh, was it Gerty Cori?” Grace wondered aloud. “I can’t remember this one…”

“It was Marie Curie,” Violet answered. “She won it for contributions to physics.”

“That’s right,” Artemis said. “Another point for the girls.” The boys groaned. “Speaking of physics, what is the unit measurement for the activity of a radioactive source?” the professor continued. They should know this one - they were in his class after all.

“The becquerel!” Oscar said, smiling widely. “I remember learning about that.”

Artemis nodded at him, smiling a little too. “Good job, Mr Walsh.” Oscar shrugged, but looked rather happy to be getting the praise.

Just then, Artemis glanced at his watch. “Oh, it looks like our time is up. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“No, just ask us one more question! We’re tied up, so whoever gets this one right will win,” Conan said, not one to back down.

“Well, if you insist,” Artemis replied. Everyone seemed in agreement that the game wasn’t over yet. “The last question is this: what is the painting ‘La Gioconda’ more commonly known as?”

“Oh, I know this one!” Josh said. “It’s the Mona Lisa.”

“Correct,” Artemis said. “The boys win, three to two.” The girls shrugged it off, and Violet even gave Oscar a friendly cuff on the shoulder. 

With that, the students packed up their belongings and started moving on. “See you tomorrow, Professor,” Josh said on his way out.

“Yes, I imagine you will Mr Byrne,” Artemis responded, smiling just a little. He really did love his job.


End file.
